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A Shower to match any bride!

Showers have come a long way since the old days of making sure the poor "lovebirds" started out with all the necessities they needed in their home. I've started out below with traditional ideas then went into some more modern shower alternatives.

TRADITIONAL WEDDING SHOWER
A traditional shower is female only with just close friends and relatives in attendance. The party generally takes place at a relative’s home, whoever has the largest living room or garden. A party room may be rented if a larger area is needed. Tea time or lunch gatherings are common, with finger foods and light appetizers being served. Games are pretty standard with rowdy stories, strong cocktails, and naughty games being left out. Think tea, cake and grandmother friendly festivities.

Who is invited?
Mother of the bride and groom
Stepmothers
Grandmothers of the bride and groom
Sisters of the bride and groom
Close aunts, cousins, and nieces
All female attendants
Close female friends of the bride
Close female friends of the groom
The bride and groom’s father might be invited depending on the bride’s preference. Traditional bridal showers often extended invitations to fathers so they didn’t feel left out and they would usually make a brief appearance then gracefully bow out early.

LINGERIE SHOWER

This is the “naughty” version of the traditional female only shower. Guests are asked to bring gifts of lingerie and accessories (think massage oils) that the bride can wear or use on her wedding night and honeymoon. This version is sometimes called a fantasia or fantasy party and is almost always much more comfortable if the “boys” are excluded!

The lingerie theme usually carries over to creatively shaped cakes, eye popping decorations, crude jokes and a lot of laughs shared amongst friends. And don’t think the older crowd can’t have fun too – they have years of experience to draw from!

ACTIVITY SHOWERS
These showers focus more on hands-on fun rather then a mountain of gifts. Below are some popular outing for the girls. Since activity showers are so expensive the host typically requests in the invitation that each guest pay for their own participation plus a little extra to cover the bride and a gift. Any food or drinks are generally covered by the bridal party or whoever is hosting the shower.

Some ideas for this type of shower:

*Dance Lessons: Hire a coach to teach a few moves in salsa, jazz, tap, ballroom or belly dancing. Pole dancing has also become huge lately for female get togethers as well as working out. An added bonus in this is watching everyone break out into their new moves during the wedding reception! Excluding the pole dancing we hope!

*Cooking Lessons: Hire a local chef to teach everyone how to make a tasty dish, or visit a local culinary school and take a group lesson. Afterwards everyone can site down and enjoy the food they've prepared! I have a friend who did this, she found a local chef to come to her home and we really had a blast. Go to Hire a Chef to find a local one.

*Bartending School: hire a professional bartender to teach guests how to mix signature cocktails. Of course everyone gets to try them and who knows - you may invent a signature drink for the wedding since signature drinks are definitely IN !!

*Spa Outing: Gather all the girls for an afternoon of pampering at the local spa. To keep costs reasonable book smaller treatments such as manicures and pedicures. The extra money collected is usually used to cover the cost for the bride and the leftover is used to purchase a gift certificate for a couples visit after the wedding - typically a massage.

*Psychic Readings: Another one I've done personally and highly recommend. It is very entertaining at the least and makes for great conversation afterwards! The reader can predict what sort of love-filled adventures is in store for all the guests or any other options your own reader comes up with.

**Wine Tasting: hire a local sommelier (wine connoisseur) and have each guest bring a regional wine as their shower gift. Provide cheese, crackers, grapes and strawberries and then crack open the bottles and try each vintage!
Locate a professional by calling local wine bars and asking for recommendations.
Or, contact a sommelier from a favorite restaurant whose advice you trust.
If your first choice isn't available, they likely know someone who might be right for the job.

COUPLE’S WEDDING SHOWER

Couple’s showers are a great option and more common now. Co-ed showers, often called “Jack and Jill” parties, give the groom a chance to receive male friendly gifts. He’s getting married too after all!

A coed shower is often more relaxed than a traditional one and often take the form of a backyard barbecue or a happy hour gathering with cocktails. The main purpose of the party is to shower the couple with gifts, but the focus is on the couple instead of just the bride.

Jack and Jill’s are commonly held at a friend’s home, a bar, a trendy club or restaurant. They offer a great chance for everyone to socialize and get to know each other before the wedding. The games played are generally very interactive and tend to pit the girls against the guys. It is best to keep the sexual overtones to a minimum at this type of gathering.

Avoid surprising people that are expecting a more traditional shower by indicating on the invitation that this is a co-ed shower. When they come prepared it will make for a more relaxed and fun atmosphere.

The guest list is exactly the same as the traditional shower except add male friends and relatives as well. A co-ed shower ends up larger than a traditional shower so the cost is usually shared amongst all wedding party members.

The Guest List

Making the guest list is easy right? All you need to do is write down the names of all your closest friends and relatives and thats it! NOT - if it is that simple for you count your blessings now. For the rest of us here is some advice on how to handle the what can be "tricky" situations with who we invite to our wedding.

1st of all consider the style of your wedding - if you want an intimate garden wedding it wouldn't be practical to invite 250 guests. Alternatively if your wedding is in a grand ballroom 50 guests would look pretty sparse.

OK, now lets get started making that list.
**Both of you make a list of your immediate family members and the attendants on your side of the wedding party. (Yes, always send an invitation to the attendants). Next will be the officiant and his/her spouse. (Including the officiant is not a must if you simply can't squeeze anyone else in but if you can the gesture will certainly be appreciated.)
**Now add your mutual friends to the list.
**Next comes your work colleagues, children, significant others and any other optional guests.
**This part is very important, you should have a "wish list" of guests they would like to see at the wedding from mom and dad on both sides. This is where it can get sticky - if mom and dad are helping to pay for any of the wedding it's not appropriate to accept their money but refuse their input on the guest list. If they are not and you can't afford to have all those distant relatives or their freinds you've never met simply tell them you would love to have them but simply can't afford it. They will do one of two things.. Happily offer to help pay for additional guests or pare it down realizing they don't feel as strongly as thought about inviting them.

Also the guest list does not have to be split even between the bride and groom. Very seldom do 2 people get married that have the exact same size family. And it really doesn't matter who has more guests, what matters is you are both surrounded by the people you love and want to share this truly special day with.Now it's time to review it and make adjustments as needed. Is your list bigger than you thought it would be? Who knew we had so many friends and relatives lol.

The excitement of doing our guest list sometimes gets the better of us and we feel far friendlier towards old college pals and people we haven't thought about in a long time. So here are some guidelines for cutting back on the list...

1. It should go without saying that all members of the wedding party should be on the list and should all receive and invitation. Traditional wedding etiquette also states that members of the wedding party should be allowed to bring a spouse or significant other. If your budget is really really tight you can bypass it but I would keep it in mind in case you have room after editing the list. (But make sure there is room for all to bring a guest or none)
2. All immediate family members should be on this list.
3. Anyone that attended the wedding shower should be included.
4. When making cuts be sure its categorical (Example: If second cousins aren't being invited then all second cousins should be omitted) Cuts should be treated equally to avoid hard feelings.

An option you may consider is to have an A list and a B list. To do this though invitations need to be sent out early enough that RSVP's can be returned and you still have enough time to send out invitations to you B list.
Beware - you probably don't want your B list guests to find out they are B list guests. This can lead to hurt feelings and declines.

One last note - don't forget to add the bride and groom to the list in the final headcount! You would be surprised how many couples forget to add 2 more people when dealing with vendors - themselves!